Q: How can I help a guest feel at ease, if they seem really unsure/nervous walking in? 

A: We recommend giving guests a quick rundown of what to expect over the course of the evening. After you’ve greeted them and they’ve checked in (or registered, if they didn’t RSVP ahead of time), you can offer them coffee/tea/water and chat with them as you walk them to the auditorium. Ushers will offer them programs, tissues, candles, and water, and will help them find a seat for them and their family/friends.

Q: Can you explain the candle lighting process?

A: When the guest’s loved one’s name is called, they will stand. Head over to the guest, introduce yourself, and light their candle(s) as you ask them questions about their loved one(s). Once you’ve spoken with and prayed with the guest(s), invite them to walk their candles up to the stage and leave their lit candles/votives there. You can accompany them to the stage and back to their seat (or, if they prefer not to walk to the front, you can offer to take it for them). When you’re done, head to the back of the auditorium and wait for another guest/group to stand.

A note about candle lighting logistics: We avoid using lighters to light guests’ candles because the clicking noise of the lighters can be distracting. Instead, you will be given a candle and bobèche (plastic or paper guard that keeps melted candle wax contained). A staff member will light your candle as the candle lighting part of the program begins.

When it’s time to light their candle, slowly tip your candle upside down into their votive and hold until their wick is lit (we will pre light every tea light ahead of time, to make them easier to light). Be sure to light the tea lights of everyone in their party while you ask questions.

A note about safety: Hair spray and certain materials are very flammable, so please be mindful of your flame at all times. (It’s okay to pray with your eyes open, if needed.) 

We will demonstrate the candle lighting process during our pre-service huddle so you feel comfortable with the process, but if you have any issues during the service, raise your hand and a staff member will come by with a (quiet) lighter to assist you.

Q: If we are in a conversation with a guest and we ask them a question like “What’s one thing you really loved or appreciated about the person you're honoring?”, but they don’t want to (or aren’t able to) share, should we lean in with a follow up question? Or should we just offer to pray?

A: In that moment, you can typically tell if it feels like a closed door, or if they’re open to a different question/conversation. If they seem open to a follow up question, you can ask: “Are you comfortable sharing what feels difficult right now, and how I can pray for you? or “Can you tell me a little bit about what you're processing as you come here tonight?” If the door seems closed to more conversation, you can simply move to: “That’s okay. How can I pray for you tonight?”

If someone is willing to share stories of their loved one, be sure to thank them for sharing. If they aren’t comfortable sharing, reassure them that it’s okay, and if it feels appropriate, you can go a step further and thank them for knowing their limit, and then offer to pray.

 Q: What do I do if I’m talking with a guest and I feel like I’m getting in over my head and need support?

A:  Ask the guest “Would you be open to me introducing you to one of our pastors/staff members? I think they’d be a great resource for you…” (If this occurs during the service, you can signal to a staff member waiting to pray that you need support, or if this happens during the reception following the service, you can walk the guest over to a pastor/staff member and make an introduction.)

 

Q: Is it okay to share my story of loss/grief to connect with or demonstrate understanding and care to guests?

A: We recommend that you refrain from sharing your personal story, and instead keep the focus on them and what they feel/need.